I wonder if I was a healer in a past life? And if I was, what kind of healing did I do? Did I use modern medicine and surgical instruments? Weirdly, that thought is not as appealing to me as the thought of some sort of shamanistic healing or a more earthy and herbal approach.
Lately I have been working with stones. I love stones. Rocks. Geolithic study. (Yes I made a word, I do that so I won't have to worry about spelling) I also have been reflecting on my passion for them too. Trying to figure out a way to have them help me use them more in my life. Rocks and stones have been my friend since I was old enough to pick one up and heave it at other children. After a stern scolding, I am sure I decided to pocket them for my mother to find, or not find on laundry day.
As a small child, I loved to look for different kind of rocks when we would go on road trips. Different colors or shapes or even ones with designs. I never found many variations though. Most places reached by the Alaskan Highway system either have granite, shale or those gray smooth oval rocks great for skipping on water. Oh once in a while I would find one that was pink, or purple. And I LOVED finding the white ones. Nothing seems to top my memories of rocks from my youth like the pile of jade-like square tiles I found at a park once. I was sure they were real jade and probably worth a lot of money. I was 9 at the time. I don't think I took them, because I was worried they belonged to someone. I didn't like the thought of stealing some else's hoard of jade.
When I met my husband, I was introduced to the beaches of Kenai. Now there is a Stone Nirvana... Reds, greens, yellows. Smooth stones, sharp stones, stones made of a conglomeration of other stones like natural cement. I loved it! I had kids too, so if I collect more rocks than my own pockets would hold, I would rent space from my kids by telling them I won't feed them dinner if they don't carry my rocks! Okay, I really just told them I would make lunch as soon as we got back to our trailers if they carried them, but you get the picture.
I really started to look at stones and their meanings after my collection got too big for a mere mayonnaise jar. I started to look for only the ones I felt I wanted, not just ones with the best and deepest color. It got bad enough that I had my 14 year old son carry a backpack to drag a 20lbs stone home once, because it looked like a bow-tie and would not stop getting my attention until it was carried away.
One day, when out on a road trip without the kids, my husband and I stopped at a gift shop for an animal park. I saw some rocks in the display case and there was such a variety I really wanted to buy one each for the kids. I picked a stone that I felt represented my kids so well; an unassuming but beautiful geode for my eldest; a smooth hematite for my next; a razzle dazzle rainbow stone for the youngest daughter and a stone I can't recall for the little boy. I noticed some quartz crystals in the display too, and after some deliberation bought one for myself. I hardly do that, usually opting to buy for everyone else instead, but something called to me about the crystal.
I kept good track of my stone for a while, holding it every so often and enjoying how cool it made my hand feel. But after a move, I lost track of it; probably the resident of one of my many unpacked boxes. I happened to stumble upon the crystal in one of my kid's rooms a few years ago. Knowing it was mine I snagged it without even confronting the offender. Again, I would hold it and let the coolness rest in my hand.
Being an avid reader and a serious question asker, I found and still do find, a lot of joy in the internet. I get answers to my questions nearly instantaneously. Oh, I know most answers are mere opinion in a lot of cases, it get to see what kind of answers my questions offers up by the masses. I got curious about my stone and what it means. The first thing I found is it is considered to be a purity. A cleanser and thing of focus. I liked this and realized instantly how similar my stone qualities was to some of my more favorite meanings of my given name. I felt a more logical connection with my stone from that point forward.
After a initial reading on using quartz crystal, I thought I would try to lay down, hold my crystal and just relax. I swear, it was the most relaxed I had ever felt. Granted, I hardly took the time to just be by myself and relax, but I could not deny I felt great. I could of blown that off as some sort of fluke or that it was an indicator of how I really should make time for just myself, but I swear to you, that poor little crystal seemed tired and used. I know, weird, but that is the impression the stone gave me. From that time forward I would hold my stone when I felt the need for it. To relax, de-stress or just plan feel better. And every time I would feel better; if not for a while after it, then at the very least the whole time I held it.
If you know me, you know I have this almost irrational need to help others. I bet I could be laying in a battlefield broken and fading and I would still try to find a way to help a comrade or friend. I have been programmed like this from day one. When the need compelled me, I have lain in mediation, holding my stone, and a few others in support, to help an ailing friend or family member. I almost never ask them if they felt particularly affected or relieved the next day, but they seemed happier or healthier and I am happy enough to just roll with that.
Maybe now I will look into ways of helping myself more, collecting more stones and crystals that positively affect me; the things I feel I need to change in myself. Could that be the point in being a healer? You never know unless you try to find out, right?
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