Twilight

Something about the Twilight Saga hits me in an emotional softspot, and brings around a reaction so unexpected that I almost can not comprehend it. 

I think I can pinpoint it to Bella. I can't understand her blatant misunderstanding of her relationship with Edward nor can I comprehend her constant self depreciation. I was under the impression only real people can act or feel so unworthy.

I felt so disheartend while I was reading through all 4 books in the saga. I tore through them as fast as I could, trying to reach the end of the story like I do with most book series I read. But I found myself irritable and unsociable. I reflected on these feelings I had on nearly a daily basis. I have been know to throw a temper and loose my cool under stress, but I found myself in bad mood the whole while I was reading the books.

In most books the heroine has some selfworth installed into her programing and she uses her strength, wits and love to help her overcome all obstacales in her way. Bella has this ability to to defeat herself before she even leaves her bedroom. Her lack of confidence in her appearance and personality makes me want to shake some sense into her.

I do not think I was really mad at Bella, but I think I was relating to her. Oddly I was not fearful while she was fearing, nor was I sad while she was at the depths of dispair. I was sitting with her in class when she first moved to Forks, thinking how plain and ordinary she is. How unremarkable her personality is.

As I got further into the books and the relationship with Edward started her faults progressed. Unlike other leading women in a story, she felt unworthy of his love and attention, and nearly seemed to wait on a daily basis for him to say 'I am tired of you'.

I am the worlds biggest cheerleader for the underdogs and I was cheering for her from the beginging but it started to become a chore to think of the positivisms to help her become more confident in her relationship with Edward. I know, I sound weird cheering for a character that does not exisit to change her actions and feelings that have been penned in stone; but hey if you know me, you understand.

This is one of the more unique characters I have ever delved into, and I find watching the movies brings out the same feelings I had while reading the books. I believe I will be able to watch all the movies, but I highly doubt I will be able to watch them all in successive order nor will I be able to read all 4 books altogether again.