Hate. It is a very strong word. I really try not to use it unless I know the feeling is very appropriate. I hated the Brussels sprouts I had when I was a kid. They tasted like dirt, I didn't want to even pretend to like them. Not even to make my mom happy.
The opposite of hate is, love. Also a very strong word. I try not to use that unless I mean it too. I love my kids, I love the movie Wizard of Oz.
Am I suppose to find a balance between the two? I don't feel I can have one without the other. It seems we are taught from a young age to love. Be nice, be fair, be kind. Most childhoods don't involve cultivating hatred or other negative discord. But surprisingly enough, it is hard to love everything.
There are people I strongly dislike, I don't hate them, but it is so very difficult for me to like them. My upbringing says I should just love them. Oh isn't that just craziness. Some sort of impossible dream? Whether I think it worth it or not, I should love, in some manner, others no matter if I think them worthy of that love or not. At least that is what I was raise to believe.
I might be a good sponsor for brotherly love, and universal peace, and happiness; sometimes I think people who know me try to tell me I am very kind and loving. But I never think I will ever be perfect enough to do a job like that. Not that there is a job out there like that. That being said, I feel flawed.
Flawed in the fact that I find it very hard to love myself. I even think to myself that I hate me. After thinking it over, that is not an appropriate use of that feeling. But I feel like I want to keep trying to figure out a way to make it fit. Tell myself all the awful and horrible things I have done to others and myself in my past. Knock myself off my high horse and face the truth that I am not a worthy human being.
Maybe because I think I have to be a shining knight on a white horse, it is hard for me to deal with my own personal discord? I may never find the perfect answer, but maybe if I think this over and search my inner feelings I can find a balance in myself. Maybe
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