Love, Faith and Believing

I have a gripe. And it's made me upset enough that I think I want to write about it. This gripe has to do about children. Your children. Those little people you brought into the world. Whether it was by accident, on purpose, after years of trying, those little beings you brought into the world. And I don't mean just the work done by the mother to bring a child into the world, I mean the work by the father too. To know you are creating life, and you get to have someone so special as your very own, is priceless. I have felt that way about every one of my children. Like they were perfect beings who could do no wrong. I would move a mountain for my child. I mean that literally. If I was told to keep my child alive I would have to physically move a mountain I would. I would do it metaphorically too. I would do anything, ANYTHING for my child.

I have faith too. I believe. I believe in love. I believe in making things that are wrong, right. I believe in sacrifices to make others happy, because in the end I will be happy too. I believe in others. Others have assets and abilities I don't, and others can fill the voids and deficiencies I have. I believe others can be as kind and loving and sharing as is needed for any given situation. I believe everyone can obtain this. Sometimes though, it's this belief in others that hurts me the most. I am the ultimate cheerleader for the human race. I believe my fellow beings can strive for all this and more.

How are these gripes? How can these feelings be a cause for grief for me? Well, broadly, because of who I am and what I believe. I put myself out there and believe in people. I believe people can love their child so much they would move mountains for them. I believe that love can conquer all. What I forget is that I can not instill my will and my desires on others and cause them to have those beliefs that I hold dear and true. I can not make others be selfless and caring and put others, namely their own children ahead of them. I can't, and that sucks.

I was in a situation where I would of gladly and with joy in my heart, opened my home to children. I don't have much, I don't travel to extraordinary places on wondrous vacations every year. I don't have a fancy car that gets perfect gas mileage and fits everyone with ease. I count my money carefully and think about what needs to be purchased and what does not. But I would have take in those children and love them for who they are. Taught them right from wrong, and maybe a few moral lessons of life. And if I was lucky, I would have learned from them too. I would have of moved mountains for them. But it took an act of God to keep me from doing so. And suspect that God knows that was the only way for me to not do it. I looked at it as a "maybe there is a better plan out there than the one I wanted". It took me a few weeks to get over it. That sucked, but I did.

So here is little me, feeling so guilty and brokenhearted for not being able to add to my family. Then I realize that as willing and giving as I may be, both parents of these children are not. They are not 'moving mountains' for them. Why? I hurts my heart to think that question. Why would they not? Children love you purely and honestly and you can't do what ever is in your power for them? Why? It would have been better that I could have taken in these children, but that was not in the plan.

Is the plan now for Mommy and Daddy to wake up? Why do they have to be slapped in the face to wake up? Why can't they just see the most important part of this story now, looking them in the eyes and only showing them love and joy? That is what I am struggling with. Something so pure and beautiful as a child's love and the utter lack of selflessness to do what it takes to be there for your child. I can't grasp my mind around it and truthfully I am so glad I am unable to. I don't even want to go down a path like that to just understand the concept. But still here I sit, my heart breaking a little for something I can't change. Learning another lesson on life about love, faith and believing: a lesson I know is hard to take but important to know, keep believing in love and faith even if others don't, that in itself is the very reason.