Crying

Well I did it. I showed up at my parents house and had a good cry. I needed it. I had just finished cleaning some essentials out of my son's vehicle. He had a very traumatic head on collision, and lived to tell the tell. And just as good as that, his children were not in the vehicle at the time of the crash. However, all his clothes and other personal items were in the vehicle.

I enlisted the help of my 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend to help me. I am so glad I did, for two reasons. Firstly, there was no way I could of done this so quickly or easily. The condition of the items in the back of that Suburban were horrific. Boxes that had held clothes had just disintegrated and massive amounts of clothes for 3 people had been mixed wildly in with boxes of household goods. My tiny wisp of a daughter climbed in and dug like her life depended on it to toss clothes at myself and her boyfriend. I would of never been able to climb in and just toss clothes out the windows like that.

Secondly, I needed others there to put on a brave show. I knew I didn't want to see how massive the damage was, but I knew it was important for me and my son to see what kind of work that vehicle did to keep him alive. It worked double time and then some. You can't even imagine metal paneling folding over itself 3 times. This is something you have to see yourself, not that I recommend it at all. To know that a massive 5.7 liter engine shifted nearly a foot and a half to the passenger side of the engine compartment AND almost half a foot into the cab of the vehicle should be out of the realm of possible imagination for anyone. The frigid temperatures helped me keep my cool, it drove me to just focus on the job of photo documentation and getting what was necessary out of the SUV. I didn't want to break down and cry and make my baby girl think that I was an overly emotional and stressed mother, even though that is exactly what I was. Still am for that matter.

I felt a little weepy as I walked back to my vehicle after checking out of the impound lot. I knew it was going to be a long drive home just for the emotional baggage I was carrying. One fourth of the way into my drive I decided that I just need to gather my energy and see mom and dad. The urge to just break down was rearing it's ugly head and blurry vision and highway travel don't mix well on slick winter roads.

As I knocked at my mother's door, I choose not to look at her face and try to smile through the window like I usually did while she unlocked the door, I knew I needed a hug right away. And like the wonderful mother she is, I got that hug.