Don't eat at my house...

Originally written on Mar 1, 2007


Seriously, you wouldn't like it. I make promises of succulency seared steak; large, baked to perfection potatoes; and some fresh assortment of baby vegetables, sauteed in a light butter sauce. And when the blessed night arrives with those promises of delight for my families palate, I yell at them over my shoulder as I type out my latest blog and tell them the Ultra K Discount T.V. Dinners are in the freezer.

Honestly I don't know why they complain. I mean, if you take the main course from Wanda's Wonder Meat Surprise, add the veggie section of Maynard's Muskogee Corn Dog and top the meal off with the frozen, pre-strained, de-flavored mash potatoes from Kylie's Kickin Chicken, you have something very approximate to what I planned on offering anyways, at one tenth of the cost!

Oh don't get me wrong, I have made some pretty near gourmet meals in my lifetime, I'm just afraid none of my children under the age of 16 have ever had them. And the children old enough to actually have sampled my stylized cooking, were really much too young to appreciate it.

I do have a nearly legitimate reason for causing voluntary malnutrition in my household; I work. Who out there (out the 2 people left who read my blog) doesn't know what I am talking about? I mean come on, do you really want to come home from work and start mashing dead cow protein in a large bowl with an unfertilized chicken egg, toss in some secret spices (salt and pepper), top with ketchup and bake? Don't you spend most of your day with eggs that should be unfertilized and cows you wanna mash anyways?

To those of you out there who do spend their time with barn animals parading as humans, my hats off to you if you actually spend 3 minutes of your night on each child's meal you microwave, cause that how we roll at my house...